I’m not old by any stretch of the imagination. Sixties are the new forties! I am “older” than some and younger than others, but I don’t think of myself as “old”. Perhaps I feel vintage occasionally, maybe even aged but never, ever old. For the record, I do not fear getting older, in fact I embrace it! You are only as old as you feel. The alternative (death) is completely out of my control, purely on God’s timing, so why waste a moment worrying about it?
Unfortunately, old age is generally considered a negative by the very young and uninformed. It didn’t used to be so maligned. Times have certainly changed.
In the past, adult children were expected to care for their parents as they matured. Families grew up together, sometimes in the same household, providing generational support and assistance until they died. Children were taught to respect their grandparents as a valued, contributing members of society, a convenient presence and source of unique skills (wisdom) and unconditional love.
These days, some look at older folks as “less than”, mentally disadvantaged. We may appear to be a little slower at some things, less proficient at others, but make no mistake. The body ain’t what it used to be, but the mind is still sharp as a tack, sharp enough to know that my generation is in grave danger of being diminished further by those persons (and organizations) that feel that anything “newer” is obviously “better”. That is a “tantrum” topic and fodder for a future blog!
I could spend the day whining about my aches and pains and forgetfulness, but that’s certainly not for me. I prefer to look at aging like it is a bank account. You learn from your mistakes, build up wisdom to “put away for a rainy day” when you need it. I admit I may have gotten a late start on this kind of savings plan, but there is still plenty of time for me to make significant deposits.
I choose to focus on each new day as an opportunity “to do better”. I appreciate all the memories I’ve acquired, good and bad, that have taught me my most valuable lessons. My goal is to prioritize my life so that it runs smoothly as possible within my control. I sift through things that work and things that don’t work, weeding out the negative and accentuate the positive. Each moment is a gift, a blessing that I pledge (to myself) not to waste through ignorance or apathy.
Every day that I am blessed to crawl out of bed, I choose to be thankful that my body works and my intellect is (mostly) intact. I thank God for those gifts (which I participate with God by eating healthy and exercising my brain), and I try not to take anything for granted. Life is fleeting at best, and no one knows for sure what tomorrow will bring. As a woman of faith, I am okay with that, too.
To insure a healthy balance to my wisdom bank account, I’ve learned over the years to distinguish between “gifts and “blessings”, “faith” and “religion”, a “kind” heart or “big” heart, “forgiveness” and “restitution”. The subtle differences found in these traits are important distinctions that have helped me make the best decisions on more than one occasion.
Learning about the subtle nuances of personal relationships, as painful those lessons may turn out to be, is one of the most ethical (per Aristotle’s definition) and useful lessons I still continue to practice. Good ‘Ol Aristotle was a great thinker without benefit of a Harvard education or fan base to bolster his self-esteem after every public word, unlike our current philosophers, theologians and “life coaches” that feed a rock star devotion by their “common sense messages”.
Back in the day, Aristotle postulated that there are three different types of friendships that he called “Nicomachean Ethics”, named after an ancient Greek physician:
“The friendship of pleasure: The friendship of pleasure is a relationship based on the simple enjoyment of being around a particular person.
The friendship of utility: The friendship of utility is a relationship based on convenience. In other words, this friendship has no real meaning behind it, other than this person is around this person frequently, so they might as well be friends.
The friendship of good: Lastly, the third category of friendship is that based on good. Friendship of good is the pure delight of one person and everything about that person. Good is the best form of friendship because it is the most virtuous. This relationship is often compared to that of the bond a person forms with themselves, assuming it is loving, because a person understands their thoughts and attitudes more than anyone, therefore they appreciate what they have to offer more than anyone else.” (Wikipedia)
True, loving and long-lasting relationships begin with good friendships. Just knowing the difference between “friendships” and “acquaintances” will save you from many, many heartaches!
The Amish offer yet another distinction to promote a positive, productive life that replenishes the coffers of your ever-changing, ever-aging skills bank account:
“Be friendly to all and a burden to no one. Live holy before God; before yourself, moderately; before your neighbors, honestly. Let your life be modest and reserved, your manner courteous, your admonitions friendly, your forgiveness willing, your promises true, your speech wise, and share gladly the bounties you receive”. (Amish Life.com)
I grew up but forty miles from Lancaster, Pennsylvania, a well-known Amish settling place for “Plain People” in the East. While the Pennsylvania Dutch lifestyle may not be for you (it wasn’t for me either), I learned crucial life lessons from studying their ethical way of interacting with others and amongst themselves. They are attributed a solid reputation of espousing traditional values and a solid commitment to peaceful resolution of all conflicts. Family unity and faith-based cohesiveness is crucial to their survival as a community.
When it comes to reputation, perception becomes the reality in the minds of others. A life lived with morals, honesty, integrity, and respect tends to attract people of the same values. Without benefit of modern technology and higher education (most Amish find little need to go beyond the ninth grade), the Amish continue to positively alter the false perceptions people have of their way of life. They live what they preach, expecting future generations to follow “the old ways” (over 80% of young adults over age sixteen decide to return to the Amish way of life after “rumspringa”, an undetermined period of personal searching outside of the tight-knit community before accepting baptism in the faith and settling down).
If I had to point to one particular “jewel” that I try to deposit in my skills bank account, it would be the fundamental rules I follow each day in order to discover personal happiness:
- Begin (daily) with you: “If Momma ain’t happy, no one is happy” is true. The attitudes I exhibit (regardless of what challenges I am faced with) exponentially affect those I interact with. Nothing I do is ever done in a vacuum. A rotten attitude makes a bad situation worse.
- Free your heart from hatred: Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself, not the other person. Couldn’t be simpler than that, right?
- Get rid of all your worries: If the problem can be solved, solve it. If it can’t, forget it, move on, or get help to clarify or reclassify what is bothering you (“get thee to a therapist!”). Most of what we worry about is not based in reality, but is often projected to a “what if?” scenario. You are not the savior of anyone but yourself. You cannot change another’s behavior. It is what it is.
- Live a Spiritual life: Unclutter your “space” and reevaluate your physical and spiritual “possessions”. Live modestly, simply, and healthy, and practice gratitude. Do no harm to any living thing.
- Give more: “Those who have much, much is required to give back.” Pay it forward whenever you can. Give because you can, not because you should.
- Expect less: CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE in order to change your perspective. Celebrate life as it presents itself in all its forms, good and bad (lessons to be learned). Your “wealth” comes from your family, your experiences and all the people you meet along the way. Learn to be happy with what you have, and satisfied with everything else.
When I make the choice each day to follow these common sense rules, I consciously contribute toward my happiness deposits. I make deposits at every opportunity by looking for happiness in every situation. Don’t wait for happiness to come to you—pet an animal, hug a child, learn a new skill, read a good book, whatever floats your boat and puts a smile on your face! Don’t be afraid to do what you’ve never done before. That’s one of the invaluable realizations of “being a person of age”, don’t you think?
It is said that youth is wasted on the young. That might be true in some instances. Like I said, I opened my bank account later than most after finally learning a few necessary but painful lessons. I am now happy, satisfied and at peace with the person I am today. I wouldn’t want to be magically younger again for any reason. My life isn’t “perfect”, but what fun would that be? I pledge not to waste one second of the on-going progression of my life.
Living means experiencing the good, bad and the ugly that come along with age. There is no replacement for the common sense learned from living a long and fruitful life. Although I might momentarily wish I had fewer wrinkles and the ability to eat everything I want without guilt, I honestly can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow, next week and, God willing, many more years to come.
Thankfully, my bank account is currently “in the green”, growing by leaps and bounds in wisdom, tolerance…and patience, every single day!
(DISCLAIMER: The exceptional woman in this video is NOT me…surprise! It would take three people to help me get my legs back where they belong after one flip!)