(I hate beating a dead horse, but this quote keeps popping up, and it is driving me crazy!! It seems to be giving people permission to act on feelings that may not be healthy. If not implied, why bring it up at all? While it might appear that we are arguing the semantics of the word “perfect”, what I take umbrage at is the notion that there IS perfection out there, that for whatever reason we all “settle in love”, that our lives are doomed to become worse if “perfection” appears on the scene that sparks a renewed interest in the once held sacred criteria we followed for “perfect relationships”. Relationships are organic, meant to change, as do our needs and wants. We often want things that appear perfect in our eyes at the moment, but prove to be toxic over time. Nobody, nothing is truly perfect. LUST makes us feel that way. LOVE enables us to be realistic, act with integrity, able to accept ourselves and others, warts and all. Thank God for that!)
Does anybody out there understand why this quote really SUCKS??
“This quote REALLY bugs me—I’ve seen it no less than four times (in different formats) this week alone, and I don’t appreciate the inference. The premise is that “love is perfect”, that you are too young, too old, too poor, already in a relationship or married, you are on your deathbed or geographically challenged when a perfect “Mr. or Miss Right” comes along. How absurd! In any event, it’s obvious that your current relationship is a mistake, an inconvenience. Love is ultimately reduced to being a “remedy”, a cure for a prior miscalculation. I do not buy it. The very idea itself convicts us as humans of being fickle beings, or at the least, unable to comprehend what real love is vs. lust. There is no courage or integrity in this statement or encouragement to honor a commitment once made. We are therefore weak, guided by our wants and desires rather than the ability to acknowledge an emotion that nurtures our best self and provides an opportunity for us to share ourselves with another. I just don’t get it. It is true that we all change over time. Life is organic, not meant to be stagnant. Make sure you are the most 
compatible person you can be that is willing to grow along with another without losing yourself. While it is certainly true in some cases (especially since “integrity” is hardly recognized or practiced these days) that some people feel “forced” to commit to a relationship or ultimately grow apart over time, I choose to interpret this quote as a warning: If you are looking for a partner to spend the rest of your life with, strive to understand the concept of commitment, integrity and responsibility. Take seriously the ramifications of your actions and decisions. NEVER SETTLE FOR “LESS THAN” TO KEEP FROM BEING LONELY. You do yourself, nor the other person a favor by not knowing your own mind. There is no such thing as a perfect person. Be the BEST person you can be, and you will attract the right person for you. Common sense, right?” Facebook, May 22, 2015
After I wrote this commentary on Facebook, many of my colleagues and friends immediately responded with their own take on it. It might interest you to know that the overwhelming response was positive (WHEW, these guys are so much smarter than I am!). Several members of our group responded with “interesting” insights that I thought I might share with you.
Let me know what you think.
“If you are currently in a mature, loving, committed relationship, the eye will rarely wander toward something that you once craved (beyond the initial excitement of discovery, perhaps). People do, indeed, grow apart and cheat on each other. However, there is no such person as “perfect”, only a discontented, narcissistic individual who finds it difficult to be satisfied with what they already have, regardless of who they hurt in the process of self-satisfaction.”
“The heart wants what the heart wants, when it wants it. If you had an unrealistic notion of what your “perfect mate” would be like growing up, but subsequently matured and found how unrealistic your notion was, your idea of the perfect person has changed so that your current love is the perfect person for you”.
“If there is conflict in your relationships, your view of the “perfect person” changes PRN (as necessary) to fill the void caused by the pain you are feeling. For example, if your wife is withholding sex to punish you for an infraction, you might daydream about an attractive person, interjecting in that dream a person with an insatiable desire to want sex exactly when you do. Same is true of the woman whose husband doesn’t turn out as handsome, rich or romantic as she wanted him to be. In this instance, I find it difficult to imagine the author was speaking about love at all.”
“What does a “perfect person” look like? What does that even mean? Movies and use the concept as character development, but there is no such thing. I think if there was a perfect person for everyone out there, even if you were already in a loving relationship, that extreme (perfect?) satisfaction of finding your “ideal” would supercede the previous relationship, at least until both parties realized that there is no such thing as “perfect”. It doesn’t mean you should act on it, of course, although some will.”
“I think there is no “worse” in this quote, especially if you are currently in a loving marriage or partnership. Speaking personally, if I came across a former crush or old girlfriend that I once thought was perfect, I would immediately be reminded that we parted for a reason. That’s a wonderful thing, don’t you think? If, I felt tied to a “troubled” relationship because of children or finances, I might, maybe, perhaps, say those words, but as a man of integrity, it would pass and never come out of my mouth in public, nor would I give in to those thoughts at all”.
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Perfect is a word that either evokes extreme frustration or sheer exultation. However, there are no “perfect persons” or even “the perfect love” except in the books and movies. Face it, we are merely imperfect human beings bumping into each other as we go through life, trying to find happiness and contentment with another of our species. When we set our sights and determine that our fulfillment based solely on an elusive concept like perfection, we are agreeing to participate in a lifetime exercise of dissatisfaction and futility.
I agree with my colleague that “(we) always want what we don’t have, were forced to give up, feel we deserve”, etc.—we are human, after all. We need to mature and gain experience in the world, meeting new and “different” people as we leave our neighborhoods and broaden our interests and skills. Factor in personal character and learned integrity, and the very notion that we perhaps might be missing “an opportunity for perfection” would most likely be nothing more than a passing thought, if at all.
Last word, I promise: Instead of searching or waiting for that “perfect person”, try to spend that emotional energy on repairing or appreciating the healthy (stressing the word “healthy”) relationships we already have. Become a better person to attract only the BEST possible communion with others. Partnerships take continual work, loving commitment and the willingness to adapt over time. Hey, nothing worthwhile or lasting is ever easy, but it sure is lots of fun most of the time!
Common sense, right?