“Hey, wow, I haven’t seen you in ages? You look great! What are you up to these days?”
“Oh, I wrote a few books, and had a couple kids since we last saw each other.”
“I thought you would have found the cure for cancer by now! Didn’t you go to medical school?”
“No, I went to nursing school.”
“No kidding? Gee, I thought I read somewhere… eh, so, how is Scooter?”
“Eh, I never dated Scooter. I’ve been married to Michael for over forty years.”
“Really, I could have sworn…are you sure you never dated Scooter?”
“I don’t even know anyone named Scooter! Wait a minute, aren’t you Debbie?”
“No, I’m Linda. Aren’t You Lisa?”
“No, I’m Karen. Boy you sure look just like Debbie.”
“Honestly, I thought for certain you were Lisa! Well, it was really nice meeting you!”
“You bet, have a nice day!”
The names may have been changed to protect the innocent, but this actually happened. Come to think about it, it happens all too often! As we age our looks inevitably change, our outlook on life alters and we become a better or worse remnant of whom we once were.
But who are we really? How will we be remembered by those who knew us throughout the various stages of our life?
Approximately twenty percent of children are born “sensitive” to their emotional and physical environment. Sensitivity is often misunderstood, but is better described as a temperament, not an illness or even abnormal as some would have you believe. They have their “moments” (don’t we all?), just not exactly at when most would consider appropriate like everyone else.
Sensitive kids are “different” but in an interesting way. They are not bad or good, or out to get us as parents with their wall-flower and/or hyperactive behavior! They are introspective, tuned-in, and uber reactive to their own world. They’ve often been improperly diagnosed by teachers and physicians as ADHD, and labeled as problem kids because they are too anxious, too intense or “too anything”! They certainly have a mind of their own and aim to follow their own paths!
Many will be called wimpy and whiny or perhaps over-bearing by their peers. They might internalize emotional trauma and are often lacking age appropriate self-esteem. Parents see the shyness as stubbornness (or defiance) as the reticent child navigates his world unlike the other kids in his age group or social network. Their frequently argumentative natures make them more likely to be drawn to leadership roles (to get what they want) or often, to withdraw completely, feeling defeated by their failures, taking a backseat to everyone else.
I love being around sensitive kids, but I prefer to call them “creative” and “intuitive”. I even have a few of my own, and they can be taxing at times, especially in a social situation. Parents and teachers often considered them high maintenance, either to protect them or deal with their reactions. These are also the creative kids with 100,000 Legos in a box under their beds well into their teens that use their hands that construct incredible structures, or hide a stash of craft paper catalogued by color, texture, and print in archival cases in the closet “just in case” they get a moment to create.
Some of these beautiful, gifted children are also apt to volunteer to help others at their own detriment or risk, using altruism as a means to make others like them, much like the child who gives away his toys at school to his “friends”. Adults might over or under compensate by becoming an “uber neighbor” or office recluse. Unfortunately, young or old, they will rarely value their own skills.
Without early emotional support, these “different” kids suffer an agonizing childhood which often bleeds over into an anxious adulthood. The good news is that in most cases, it only takes a few caring individuals to support a sensitive child’s efforts, to make a big difference in their lives. Acceptance of their resistant nature and loving guidance will empower them to explore their talents and share their abilities with the world. If diagnosed correctly, they will do exceeding better than their teachers and parents ever expected!
I was one of the lucky ones.
I was not in the popular clique in school or the scholarly groups. I hung out with the older kids, the “smarter than me” kids, the nerds. I joined every club that fit into my after school job schedule at a local grocery store. I was more interested in people liking me than applying myself to my studies. I was average, nothing more or less. I wasn’t a wall-flower and would never be accused of being shy, but I didn’t always “fit in” with everyone else. I never felt like I did anyway.
I also had teachers that had difficulty remembering my name from one class to the next. I blended in with the crowd, always observing and learning about people who were so different than I was. I appreciated diversity, knowing (deep inside) that I was different too, but I didn’t understand why. I had a thousand “friendly acquaintances” but only a handful of real friends. Nothing about me was exceptional, and that was okay with me. No matter how many successes I actually had, I never craved the spotlight for fear it would highlight every flaw I knew I had (or people told me I had).
I was drawn to nursing from an early age, and eventually married the love of my life and birthed five incredible children. I was a happy stay at home mom when they were young, baking cakes and selling crafts for extra money, being the classroom mom for all five, substitute teaching at their schools as needed, teaching prenatal classes in my living room and attending births when I could, taking college courses in the evening and working on the weekends in the Emergency Room. My church community was my only social network. I loved being called “Martha Stewart”, that celebrity that does “it all” perfectly. At one point, the attempt to emulate her (although I didn’t realize that was what I was doing) landed me in the hospital from sheer exhaustion!
Several years ago I wrote a book entitled “Greater Than the Sum Total”. It 
is a work of fiction, a trilogy, a composite of the heroic people I have encountered in my life as a nurse and counselor (my heroes have become those who faced the most egregious challenges a person can while battling cancers). The trilogy was my attempt to emphasize that each and every one of us is greater than anything that has ever happened in our lives. It has garnered a loyal fan base, but it was also a high point in my life (and a scratch off my Bucket List) to conquer a long-standing fear of exposing my deepest inner thoughts to others.
All in all, I’ve had some pretty exceptional experiences and opportunities that a lot of people will never have. I don’t really believe in luck. I Praise God for everything that has happened in my life from whom all my blessings flow. I will be forever thankful to those who guided me along the way without judgment. However, if you and I met during any of these isolated times in my life you may have known a totally different person than I am now…or will be! I continue to be a work in progress, convinced that God isn’t done with me yet!
Last week, a friend asked for advice about how to approach their recently diagnosed “sensitive” grandchild. I just smiled and said, “Relax. Guide him without preaching, love him when he is least loveable, and don’t be so quick to judge (or allow others to label). Be that person to help him find, acknowledge, and achieve his passion. Model what resilience looks like to show him that he can survive and thrive after mistakes or failures.
Most of all, love him enough that he can see through your eyes that “normal” is not always all that it is cracked up to be!” Doesn’t that sound like common sense for all of our children, regardless of their inherent natures?
How do you want to be remembered?